Self-Care Methods: Baths, Lingerie, Cats, Whatever Floats Your Boat.

Self care is defined as 'any intentional actions you take to care for your physical, mental and emotional health.' I am HUGE on self-care-  partially because I'm lazy and self-indulgent, and partially because it is actually really important. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, it's beneficial for your mental and emotional health to take some time for yourself at least once weekly, if not daily (I'm a fan of daily. I do at least one small thing for myself every single day, sort of as like a 'here's a treat for existing and continuing to exist indefinitely' type of thing. This is especially important if you're stressed, depressed, or just having a particularly not-so-great day/week/month etc. Some of these may apply more to girls than guys, but don't let gender norms stop you!!! Men can enjoy a nice bubble bath any day of the week!!! Anyway, here's some of my top ones:

As mentioned above, I LOVE taking baths, Love. I spend, like, two hours in there, at least once a week. I usually take my phone in there and listen to music (and take pictures, tbh, no shame). It's possibly the most relaxing thing I can think of. Major shoutout to Lush store for providing the bath bombs (another thing- people who hate on bath bomb culture are totally boring and bitter- like, what do you have against girls for wanting to smell nice and have soft skin?? Don't knock it till ya try it.) My favorites are Rose Bombshell (which is pictured above- smells amazing and had me feelin' myself all day lol), Sex Bomb, and Phoenix Rising. All of their products make you feel like a pure radiant goddess, actually. Ok, go take a bath.

Speaking of feeling like a radiant goddess, TREAT YA SELF and buy something that makes you feel like a million trillion bucks. I like buying pretty lingerie and underwear because nobody even has to KNOW you're wearing it, but somehow wearing it always makes you feel infinitely more confident. Same with shopping in general- I'm not advising that you turn to consumerism and develop a material dependency in order to cope with your feelings, but sometimes it helps. And I think that's okay to admit. 

I've talked about this one enough, so I won't go on and on about it, but just write. Seriously. Even if you're not good at it, even if you think that you have nothing to write about. There is nothing more therapeutic than spewing your thoughts in an uncensored, private way. It doesn't have to be anything deep or fancy. You don't have to show anyone or be the next great American author. Just write about your day, write about anything. Scribble it down sloppily. Promise you'll feel better.

Go outside. Especially now that it's warm. Disconnecting from everything is real good for the soul and whatnot. I don't know exactly what it is, but I've walked out my front door feeling like one person, and then returned from a walk/sky gaze/rest in a chair outdoors feeling like a completely different person. Just looking at seemingly like mundane stuff like clouds and grass and trees does a whole lot for me, especially after months of seeing dreary skies and snow and having my skin go numb after a few seconds.

Doing something that makes me feel 'maternal' also makes me feel a lot better (such as taking care of my cat or a small child or something little and cute and cuddly of that sort). Again, I don't exactly know how to explain this one, and I know not everyone likes animals or kids, but if you do, then you understand why this one is so helpful. Taking care of something smaller than me kind of gives me a sense of purpose, and in that respect, it ends up doing more for me than it probably does for the pet/baby in question (usually Luna, pictured above, who is my ENTIRE CRAZY CAT LADY WORLD.)

okay, so this has been a post. Hopefully some of this applies to you, or convinces you to go buy a bath bomb or some new underwear or to go look at clouds. 

Life, Lately: 3/22/15

It's been a crazy month, I suppose I could say. I've had a ton of blog ideas and am planning on finally getting back on these for the upcoming month of April- but for now, it's just been a lot of introspection and whatnot. Recently, I made a pretty big mistake. Hopefully I'll be able to come to terms with it and write a detailed post on it later, because I do want to prevent anyone else from making this same mistake- but for now I'm just focusing on moving forward. It's been pretty cool, because I've gained a lot of insight, and feel at my best in terms of my mental/inner self? As my future husband / rapper Aubrey aka ' Drake' Graham once said, "sometimes the negatives help me to get a better picture." So anyway, here's a brief overview of what's been going on in the meantime:

Trying: harder. Just in general.

Learning: a lot. About myself, about the world, etc. Rethinking and reprioritizing  a lot of things in light of new knowledge, which is nice, and proof of growth and whatnot.

Thankful: for the tremendous amount of support from my family, from Alex (who is my boyfriend now, how wild is that lol),  from Anju, from my other close friends. For always being given a second chance. For my ability to see beauty everywhere and in everything, no matter what.

Reading: a ton, finally. I've missed reading for pleasure and not just school. Right now I'm in the middle of 'Me Before You', which is fantastic and funny and heartbreaking in the best way. Now that I've started reading heavily again, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

Writing: also a lot more. Primarily just journaling, which I suggest to everyone- somehow just keeping a 'diary' like a middle schooler is the most stress relieving, mind organizing, settling thing ever. I've also started writing poems again, and drafting blog posts. Ya girl is back!!!!

Listening: To Sufjan Stevens' new album (seriously. This shit is so good for the soul. Do yourself the favor). Listened to the new Kendrick all the way through yesterday (nice??), new Modest Mouse (also nice???),  and of course still always playing my bae Drake. Gotta support.

Feeling: happy, sad, energetic, lazy, reserved, centered, introspective, peaceful, anxious, a billion different things and paradoxes. All is well, though. Such is life, and it is a beautiful life, despite it all.


Sorry this was a bit of a jumbled post that probably nobody will care about besides me, but personal documentation is what this is all about. I hope y'all are doing well !!!!! Don't hesitate to hit me up whether we know each other personally or not, I'm really in the mood to talk and hear different perspectives/stories as of late. STAY COOL bye

FEMALE SEXUALITY AND OTHER BAD WORDS: A Rambling Introduction

okay, SO, I've decided to do a sort of 'blog series' on issues surrounding female sexuality, body image, etc etc etc- and I feel like I've put it off for so long because there's just so much to cover, and I'm still not sure exactly where to start. Anyway, I'm aiming to maintain a somewhat informal tone here and not sound too academic for the sake of not boring anyone to death, so bear with me as I sloppily attempt to cover key points of a hugely complex, systemic societal thing. I'mjust  gonna consider this post somewhat of an introduction to the posts that are to follow...


ANYWAY, something I've kind of struggled with over the past couple years is my concept of my own sexuality. I think it's important to first address what the term 'sexuality' means and what it encompasses- because it's, like, a lot. So people hear the term 'sexuality' and the first thing they think of is either A) the sexual orientation of a person/which gender they are attracted to, or B) sex- sex they are having, aren't having, would like to have, etc. Sexuality does include these things and they're majorly important- but for me, I've always identified as straight, so that was never a big part of my 'confusion' (although I acknowledge that it obviously is a big issue for many people, I'm just not really qualified to speak on that). The thing is, though, that sexuality is so much more broad that we've made it to be. Sexuality also includes things like body image and self esteem, the way you express yourself (via clothing, body language, verbal language, etc), and your attitudes, values, and ideals in regards to your sexual behaviors and relationships.


 I think that my biggest issues were centered around these sort of double standards and conflicting ideals that our society has in place that particularly pertain to the sexuality of WOMEN. I've read a few things that set this alarm off in my head- one of them was this quote about how women are expected to be 'sexy, but not sexual' - and I started seeing how prevalent this ideal was. So we've grown up in this culture where sexualized images and attitudes toward women just run completely rampant- try to take notice of how many you see/hear in a single day but maybe don't pay attention to because it's all so internalized- there's Victoria's Secret billboards on the freeway, ads for strip clubs on the radio, white boys making awful and unfunny jokes in the back rows of lecture halls- I'm serious, this is everywhere, but I'm sure you already are at least aware of this.


Back to the 'sexy but not sexual' aspect of this- given that young girls are surrounded by these messages at all times, it only makes sense that the logical conclusion we'd draw from it is: be sexy! be desirable! And so of course, many young girls attempt to take this route, because again, THAT'S WHAT MAKES SENSE- and are met with an often very cruel and confusing response. I'd say that it's usually around middle school that words like 'slut' begin getting thrown around, and it never really stops from there. Another quote that I like says something like, "people are constantly begging to see the female body, but once they do, somebody's a 'slut'". Slut shaming is an issue that I intend to dedicate an entire post to, so I'm really really getting ahead of myself here- but I wanted to first at least briefly illustrate exactly how backwards and contradictory all of this is.


The main thing that I intend to do with these posts is sort of debunk all of these false conceptions and myths and really harmful ideas that are surrounding female sexuality- and, more importantly, to remove the taboo and stigma from talking about them openly, from being in touch with your own sexuality in a way that's not controlled by society or the media. So look forward to some discussions on body image, female anatomy, the female orgasm (I know right!!! truly getting wild), sex shaming, school dress codes, and a whole bunch more that tie into our personal and societal concepts of sexuality more than we might think. OK I rambled a lot and I AM DONE NOW but I shall return shortly with more dirty words and whatnot